


Shelter Me In Your Memories

by nerdywithatwist



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland Friendship, Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood Friendship, F/M, Family Feels, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Jace Wayland Deserves Nice Things, Kidnapping, Parabatai, Pregnancy, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:14:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29888541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdywithatwist/pseuds/nerdywithatwist
Summary: While on special assignment Jace disappears without a trace, Alec tries to support and keep Clary safe through the ordeal but what risks will she take get her soulmate back before she becomes a mother?HEA, a combo of the show and books (Alec and Magnus have the boys but Robert and Max are alive).
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood, Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane & Clary Fray, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Shelter Me In Your Memories

###  **Black**

_Black for hunting through the night._

Alec stood at the large wooden door hesitating, he couldn’t bring himself to knock. His emotions threatened to overwhelm him and he took a steadying breath gripping the casement of the door. He could remember every word from the report he had received this morning.

 _An explosion has been reported in a warehouse district in Barcelona, two Shadowhunters from special operations dead, several missing. Civilians believe it was related to improperly stored chemicals._ After a general sitrep and site survey was a list of names. Alec had felt his heart shatter seeing one. _Jace Herondale (NYC Institute, missing)_. His blood ran cold reading it, fear pulsing through his body in its wake. It had been nearly a week since he had last talked to Jace, longer since he had corresponded anything beyond a photo or quick text with Clary. 

He remembered the night before getting the notice, the terrible nightmare that Magnus had to shake him out of. The worried expression on his husband's face didn’t fade as he gripped Alec’s shaking hands waiting for him to come back to reality. They thought it was just a bad dream, his overactive mind, stressed about work that dredged up some fear and tormented him. He had no indication that it might be connected to Jace. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a voice inside the office. “Stop hovering.” He didn’t figure she knew it was him, he wasn’t due for a visit for a few weeks, but Clary could see the shadows under the door from her desk. He knew that because he had once sat behind that desk, he once had the weight of this Institute on his shoulders as well. 

The evening had made all the shadows in the room deeper, the only light coming from the lamp on her desk. The dark wood and stone made the room feel cozy in daylight but tonight it felt like Alec was coming to extinguish more of the light in her life. 

She smiled at Alec, glancing up from her making notes on a report or finishing a letter. “Alec, well this is unexpected.” Her eyes narrowed as she studied his face, this wasn’t a personal call. 

Before he lost his nerve he strode over to her side, dragging the chair beside her desk closer to her. He sat down as she shuffled the work in front of her, she was delaying turning to face him. 

His throat tightened trying to stop himself from saying these words aloud. He could tell that she was crumbling inside and yet she did this, she tidied her desk and took a shaky breath trying to calm herself. 

“Just tell me.” In her years in charge of the New York Institute she had to make this call or something similar to it. How many times had she comforted distraught family after a death or the disappearance of a fellow Shadowhunter. How many times had he? But delivering this news, his parabatai, her soulmate, when there was so much still unknown was too much. 

“Jace is missing in Barcelona.” She tried to stand and Alec grabbed her wrists gently to keep her sitting. He could see the wheels spinning, find the warlock on duty, or portal there herself, after that… he knew she didn’t have a plan after that. Worse he knew that once she got there her sense of duty would kick in and she would be torn between staying and returning to New York.

Her face had transformed into a mask, guarded fear and professionalism. “I already went there, there’s still a recovery effort happening. They aren’t planning on stopping anytime soon.” 

Clary finally made eye contact with him. “Your rune?” He had never heard her sound so scared in all their years knowing each other. To reassure her he tugged at the hem of his shirt, “Still there, Clary. We just have to keep looking.” 

She closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath, gasping for air as her energy seemed to abandon her. He stayed still, knowing that when her own terror dissipated a fraction she would remember the rest of the family and be worried about them. 

It only took a few more heartbeats before she stood and tried to side step Alec. “Oh god, Alec.” She started listing names as he stood, anyone important to Jace. All of the names came tumbling out of her and she tried to brush past him, he bodily caught her and could feel her pulse hammering throughout her body. 

“It’s all been taken care of Clary. I called Luke, he’s talking to mom. Dad was notified before me since they requested relief search and rescue from the LA Institute, they have experience with earthquakes. Dad is calling Max and Izzy.” 

Tears started streaming down her face and she shook her head at him, “I have to do something Alec. I can’t…” He did the only thing he could, he pulled her into a firm hug trying to share his strength, his hope. Clary tried to shake him off fighting against taking comfort, eventually she gave up, her body softening into his and she returned the hug desperately. Holding on to him for support as her hands fisted in his jacket. 

When he was reasonably sure she wouldn’t collapse, he led her to the sitting area and settled her into the chair closest to the fireplace. He called for hot tea from the commissary before building a fire. He wasn’t naïve enough to think she would rest anytime soon, but he could try to stop her shivering to death. 

When he pressed a mug of Earl Grey into her hand she looked at him like he had grown another head on his shoulders, also noticing the fire he had built. “They should have brought chamomile.” Her voice was almost too quiet to be heard.

Alec looked at the tray, noticing that they had included a few types of tea- including chamomile. He traded her after doctoring her new mug with a little honey, Clary had picked up a worsening sweet tooth from Izzy. 

On her desk they both could hear the incessant vibration of her phone. Clary stared at it a moment but didn’t move. 

“I think it's safe to say that the rest of the family was informed, and they’re checking up on you.” 

She set her nearly empty mug aside and gave him a small sad smile. “I’m surprised they aren’t swarming.” 

Alec’s eyebrows knitted together, “Oh they would be, but Jace was pretty explicit when it came to protecting you if something like this happened. He didn’t want you overwhelmed.” 

His words seemed to startle her, “He knew something would happen?” Alec settled a hand on her knee, “By the Angel, Clary no. But the life we live, the life of a Shadowhunter… he didn’t want you pretending it was okay only to suffer alone to not burden us.” 

She nodded her understanding, “I get that, I keep… letters in case something happens to me and a journal for Jace. He sends you?” 

Alec shrugged at her, trying to project some of the charm Magnus always praised him for into a smile. “The things I do for my parabatai.” 

She snorted a laugh and then her face screwed up into pain. She felt guilty for laughing while Jace was in danger. Alec remembered when Magnus was in Edom, the guilt over every joke, every moment of rest or comfort he took. His heart ached not only for Clary but also for his husband, wanting to fold Magnus in his arms and not let go for a while. 

“Can I convince you to sleep?” He tried to be as gentle as he could asking the question, it was a miracle that he had kept her here long enough to ask. 

She shook her head at him lost in her own thoughts. His phone buzzed again and he gave her shoulder a squeeze and left her office to take it. Magnus’ voice was a welcome balm to his battered emotions. 

He was asking where Alec had left Max’s permission slip, and telling him about the grade Raf had gotten on his latest test. Family things, centering him. They had made an agreement as the boys got older, _family came first_. Magnus was resisting every impulse to ask after Clary, to pack the boys up for an impromptu visit to New York and surround her with family. Magnus had known her since she was a child, not that she could remember any of it, but he still felt a sense of responsibility for her even years later.

Alec caught Magnus up on the search for Jace and how Clary took the news. He stood in one of the small sitting areas that overlooked the church courtyard, remembering and hoping for breakfasts and bedtimes and a million moments in between with his family. Including Clary, and with the Angel willing Jace. For a while letting the silence between them speak volumes he couldn’t put words to. 

Magnus’ voice was quiet when he finally asked, “Alexander?”

He suppressed a worried sigh. “She seems okay. I’m just sad she has to be okay through it.” Magnus made a sympathetic noise on the other end of the phone, “Just keep an eye on her? I’m worried about both of you.” 

Alec nervously traced the carved stone of the window sill, “She barely fought me when I told her it wasn’t a good idea to go to Barcelona. I don’t know if it's hope or hopelessness.” 

Magnus gave voice to a worry Alec didn’t want to admit. “I’m frankly surprised she didn’t ditch you immediately to get to Barcelona. Does that seem unusual?” 

Alec’s anxiety spiked a little thinking about that, “Magnus…” 

“Go find her, give her my love.” Magnus ended the call before Alec even thought about it fully, leaving the alcove to go back to her office. He burst into the office calling for her, the fire had been knocked down to just embers and she was missing. 

He dashed into the Ops Center hoping that she had just been pulled away but beyond a few night time analysts supporting teams in the field it was empty. They all gave him odd looks, rushing onto the floor with a wild, frightened look in his eyes. His mind was pulled in a hundred directions trying to think of where she might have gone.

Still turning the thought over in his head he acted instinctually, heading to the roof. All of them tended to end up there to be alone at some point. He called for her but only the noises of the city responded to him, New York bustling even this late at night. He was worried that maybe she couldn’t stand waiting anymore and had used her portal rune to travel. He almost put in a call to the incident commander to see if they had a red headed harpy trying to gain access to the site.

That’s when he saw it, a reflection of witchlight high in the belfry and knew without a doubt it was Clary. Quickly he pulled out his stele, activating his agility rune for the jump. He made it with a small stumble, lack of sleep ruining his normal agile grace. 

She was sitting on the floor pressed against the wall, even less light here than her office. Her hair didn’t shine in the little light that was here, the glow of the witchlight making her look sallow. She looked a husk of her usual self, shoulders hunched and her knees drawn up to her chest; her usual commanding presence in a space was diminished. She wasn’t a soul that should soak in darkness and terror but that’s what she was doing. He was upset to see that she was shivering again, kicking himself for leaving her unaccompanied. 

She didn’t take notice of him as he approached, or as he sat beside her and put his arm over her shoulders. However she did notice when he gently picked up the witchlight from her hands. She sobbed quietly and turned her face into his shoulder, “I can’t do this alone Alec, we need him back.” 

He let her cry until she was hiccupping trying to comfort her as best he could. He held her until her breathing evened out and her head got heavy on his shoulder. It was only after he was reasonably sure she had cried herself to sleep that he let himself shed tears, feeling every moment of pain and second of time since Magnus had woken him the night before. It was over an hour later when she finally stirred, they sat without conversation just together for a little while. Eventually she stood, using his shoulder to push herself up and with a small smile and offered her hand to help him up. 

The nap seemed to bolster her a little. “I have field reports that need review.” Alec winced hearing that and grabbed her arm, “They can keep for one damn night Clary. Jace would kill me if you weren’t taken care of. _Well_ taken care of.” His temper flared, his frustration and worry with Jace’s disappearance bubbling over at her. Quickly his anger turned on himself, angry that he was reacting this way, angry that he was screwing up this one thing Jace had asked of him.

She scoffed and yanked herself free, making her way into the opening of one of the arches to leave. Alec heard a clatter and she cursed shortly after her boots hit the roof and knew it wasn’t at him. Luckily sticking a landing on the roof was easier than gaining access to the belfry. 

Clary hadn’t been so lucky. It looked like she had overshot the jump and had lost her footing on a patch of wet leaves. When she tried to catch herself from falling further she took a header into a ventilation chute and tore open her left arm on a jagged piece of weather flashing. Her head and her arm were both bleeding. 

“I got distracted.” She offered as an explanation, she must have been more upset than she was letting on since it had been years since Alec had seen her do anything other than stick a landing even without using her surefooted rune. 

Alec pulled his witchlight out to get a better look. “The cut on your arm is too deep and losing too much blood for an iratze.” He pulled the scarf she was wearing off her and wound it tightly on her arm trying to staunch the flow. It ran over her hand and fell in rivulets to the ground. She gasped in pain as he tightened the scarf, the pain or the blood loss finally getting to her. 

He pulled out his stele and drew another rune on her, finding space on the inside of her arm. Activating the amissio rune with a flick, he saw her hand twitch in response. It should slow the blood loss, she would also be sore for a few days as it sent her bone marrow into overdrive to help replace any lost blood volume. 

She swayed in the darkness, “Alec, you _have_ to call Dr. Rosestone. Please. Say the name back.”

Her knees started to buckle and he repeated the name as he caught her. “Rosestone.” 

She repeated it twice before her eyes fluttered closed, still bleeding. 

Alec half carried her into the infirmary calling for the medic on duty, asking after Dr. Rosestone and having one of the aides page her. Despite the looks from staff he didn’t leave her bedside until the doctor Clary requested was present. Refusing anything but basic first aid until she arrived, only to be kicked out of the examination room. He paced the waiting room, arms crossed and could feel his jaw clenching. He was angry at her, even angrier at himself- trying to distract himself from his fear. 

He had just lowered himself into a chair, calm enough to try to sit for a few minutes when the door to the exam room slid open. He hadn’t really gotten a good look at the doctor Clary had requested he call, until then. Short curly brown hair over bright green eyes, kind eyes. 

She caught his attention and he anxiously stood again to close their distance. “Family?” Her voice had a musical quality to it, bright and warm. 

“I…” his voice faltered, they were a family of a sort. “Yes.” She ushered him into Clary’s room, she looked a little pale under the soft glow of the lights. _But alive._ Alec didn’t know if he could take both Jace and Clary being in danger at once. 

His anger at her injuring herself eased when he sat down next to her hospital bed, he was still upset but content that she was resting, even if it was with the help of a somno rune. 

The cut on her head had healed, leaving behind the faintest shadow of a scar and a stubborn bruise that the healing rune couldn’t seem to touch. Her arm however had needed disinfecting and closed with adhesive strips before her iratze could be activated. She complimented him on his quick thinking, slowing blood loss immediately. The doctor explained all of this quietly, calmly. 

She set aside the tablet they used for patient records, “She’s stable enough to be transferred to her quarters if you think she’d be more comfortable there?” 

Alec shook his head, “Her fiancé… my parabatai is missing. She said she couldn’t stand that room right now, this is as good a place as any.” 

The doctor gave him a sad look and sighed, “So the rumors were true, I was praying that they’d catch a break.” 

Somewhere in the back of Alec’s mind he tripped over her statement but he set it aside as she continued. “She’ll need to take at least a day off, none of this jumping from high platforms, or meeting with dangerous warlocks in the dead of night to try to broker a better peace.” 

He shot a glance up at her, “Have you met Clary?” 

The woman pinched the bridge of her nose and shrugged in his general direction. “I’d be happy to get a full night's sleep out of her honestly, but I have to set the bar a bit higher or someone will try to take away my medical license.”

She dimmed the lights leaving Clary in a small bubble of soft warm light near the bed. “I’ll check on her in the morning before I leave. Be gentle with her, and yourself.” She said it like it was medical advice but Alec heard extra meaning. Forgive her for hurting herself accidentally and forgive yourself for your anger. 

With a quiet _click_ the door shut and they were alone again. He sat back and fished his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through the texts and voicemails that family and concerned friends had left for him. He responded to a few before going to his photo roll and looking at photo after photo of his family. Magnus and the boys in dozens of photos, posed snaps of the boys before their first day of classes, or Magus and Max asleep on the couch after family movie night. For all the years that Magnus spent staying up late partying in NYC, two episodes of She-Ra after dinner always seemed to induce unconsciousness faster than any sleeping potion he could brew. Interspersed were other photos, Izzy and Simon after a Ceremony a few months ago. Maryse and the boys at her birthday last year, everyone wearing festive hats and smiling. He couldn’t bring himself to open any with Jace in them. The thumbnails hurt to look at enough. 

Before he knew what he was doing he called Magnus back. The line clicked and for a moment they were both silent, just trying to be together for a second through the phone. He did the math on the time difference between them. If Alec closed his eyes he could almost imagine the mid-morning light in their apartments in Idris. The boys at their lessons or studying at home, he and Magnus stealing time together after lunch. Catching up on their life, social events and work schedules, a funny joke Raf had made at bath time the night before or pride at Max mastering a new skill. 

Finally Alec broke the silence, “She’s okay now.” 

His husband caught on to that, “What happened?” He explained his past few hours, trying not to sound too worried or frustrated at Clary. 

The only thing Magnus said in response was a worried _Oh biscuit_ under his breath and then louder. “I’m glad you were able to be there for her Alexander, could you imagine what she would have done if she had read that in a report alone?” 

Truthfully Alec could, the old Clary. The one who took risks without thinking, who although was fearless would get herself and them into even bigger jams that needed solving. 

The seconds ticked by between them. “Magnus…” Something about thinking about being home led to some question or worry deep in his mind. Thankfully Magnus picked up on it, “The boys are home and it is _too_ quiet.” 

As if on cue a crash could be heard on the other end of the phone and the sound of small voices carrying on. “I love you Magnus.” This time Alec hung up first letting his husband go deal with their boys and whatever Max had decided to test his floating skills on. 

He leaned back and tried to get some rest. 

Clary had wanted to at least do a couple of hours of paperwork in her office but Dr. Rosestone had persuaded her that a soft bed and more rest was in order. He didn’t know how she convinced Clary, just that he left to get himself a cup of coffee and her a tea in the middle of Clary saying she felt fine and when he came back a medical aide was helping her into a wheelchair. 

She had asked Alec to use her office if he needed to get any work done giving the explanation of “It's good for the rest of the Institute to see someone in there while I’m sidelined.” 

So that’s what he was doing, following up on his own reports and emails, trying not to worry about Jace or Clary or any of his other loved ones. Occasionally reviewing the footage that was being recovered and sent by the team in Barcelona. Searching for Jace in every frame, hoping he could start piecing together what happened.

It was looking more and more like the explosion was some sort of diversion to allow Circle members to escape. So far none of the Shadowhunters had been found in the rubble, based on interviews that were trickling in Jace wasn’t anywhere near where the major concentration came down to begin with. The incident commander had said that a warlock that was found mentioned opening a portal that some had to have escaped through. But had Jace followed them or had he been restrained and taken. 

He didn’t mean to go snooping, he was looking for a piece of paper so he could fire message Izzy and opened the top left drawer of the desk. On top rested the most startling thing, a bottle of prenatal vitamins. He suddenly forgot why he opened the drawer, his brain filled with a loud _wooshing_ sound for a moment. He reached out to touch the bottle, to confirm it was real. 

He realized why she didn’t immediately leave the institute when she found out about Jace. What she could have meant when she said “ _we_ need him back”. He realized why for two years Jace had taken special assignment after special assignment trying to run down the last remnants of the Circle. 

Clary would never be safe if Valentine’s followers were still free. Their children would never be safe. What would they do when they realized that the only two Angel blooded Nephilim we’re having a child? What would they do to control that child and the power they might be born with? 

Clary was able to create new runes and Jace was quite possibly the most accomplished fighter of their generation, and able to activate his without a stele. Who knew what other skills they just hadn’t discovered yet. Valentine may be dead but his message wasn’t yet. 

Alec had always thought of his joining the Circle Taskforce as one more way Jace was being a soldier, a good Shadowhunter. Rooting out the last vestiges of destruction and pain Valentine had caused. When really Jace's latest trip had been another in a long line of trying to finally secure them some sort of peace. To create a better world for his children. And he had disappeared on the precipice of their future. 

A new fear clawed its way past his heart and into his throat. Fear for Clary, for her safety. 

Someone knocked at the door and he shut the drawer quickly, hearing the bottle topple over. The pills rattled as further proof of their existence and he tried to ignore the questions it created. 

His mother stood in the doorway, “I came to drop off some research for a librarian and was surprised to find out that you’re still here. This is me checking up on you.”

He stood and let Maryse pull him into a hug and for a fraction of a second everything was okay. How could it not be with his mom here to help. When they both pulled back she cupped his face taking note of the tenseness of his eyes and how tired he felt in her arms. 

“Where’s Clary? Did she portal to Barcelona?” Alec stammered for a moment, “She’s resting, mom. She took a fall last night so I’m making sure she heals up before doing anything too Clary-like.”

Maryse fussed with the collar of his jacket, her face pulling into a concerned expression. “Poor thing, I’m worried about Jace of course but someone needs to worry about her as well.”

Alec caught himself staring at his mother a little too intently. Did she know? Had Clary already told Maryse? Had she told Luke? 

“Will you tell her I dropped by to check on her? Luke put calls into the Praetor asking the wolves to keep an eye out in their cities. We’re both available if either of you need anything.”

She drew him into a second hug. “You need rest too young man, you’re barely standing!” 

Alec’s brain caught up a little, “Just tired mom. I promise to get rest today.”

That seemed to subdue her as she brushed his hair out from his eyes and departed leaving him standing in the middle of Clary’s office, mind and anxiety working double time. 

Above all he needed to talk to Clary. Underhill pointed him to the small solarium off the commissary mentioning she often liked to spend time there when she wasn’t working.

He sat down at her table, noticing that the staff had set out some juice and muffins. From his own experience he knew the staff would peek in on her in case it looked like she needed anything. The same way that a plate of dinner or a sandwich always seemed to show up in his office if he was too busy to eat when he was the Head.

Papers were spread out on the table, he worried that she was already back to work until he noticed they appeared all personal. Fire messages, letters, a couple journals and her own artwork were spread out. 

She finished her note and looked up at him, content with the silence between them. If he had news he would immediately come and tell her. 

“I didn’t mean to find this… I’m sorry.” She hadn’t even noticed he was holding anything but he gently pressed the bottle into her hands. 

Color flushed her cheeks as she looked down at it. “We were going to tell you and Magnus when you came to visit in a few weeks. _He_ was so excited to tell you.” Her voice broke at the end and Alec gripped her hand trying to support her. 

“That’s why you didn’t portal to Barcelona.” It was understandable, her trying to throw herself into her work as a distraction from not searching for him herself. 

“When he left last week he made me promise.” The quiet resigned fury of her statement startled him. Alec heard untold arguments in her words. 

“Last year… It was no one's fault. A shax demon came out of nowhere while I was on patrol near Canal.” Her eyes closed in memory, trying to push past her shaking voice. “We didn't even know I was pregnant.” 

Her hand slipped from his and rested on her abdomen. “Was it the blood loss, the venom, or would it have just happened no matter what.”

Alec remembered sitting in a morning council meeting so many months ago, his parabatai bond with Jace causing a deep ache to course through his body. Like all of his bones had been put in a vice at once. He had texted Jace later that day making sure he was okay. How deeply had he felt the loss of his unborn child for Alec to sense it so far away?

Had Clary suffered that loss alone? Alec thought of his love for his own children and how the idea of them not being here felt like a hot knife to his heart. The thought of watching Magnus hurt and grieve if something happened to one of them. 

He spoke without thinking, “Come back to Alicante with me? You’ll be closer to Europe if Jace is still there, and Magnus can portal you wherever you need if he’s not. I know the boys would love to see you, and you _have_ the vacation time.” 

She almost refused, he could see her weighing his offer, so he continued “Underhill has been a great second in command, and if there’s any time to rely on your staff…”

“Yes.” She interrupted his next thought. “Everywhere I look here I… it hurts Alec. So yes. I’ll take you up on the invitation. I also need to tell the Clave I’m expecting, so I’ll be put on leave soon enough anyway.” 

Alec had forgotten about that, that her position now as an expectant mother would in some ways supersede her titled position. The expectant parent was often granted a long absence from their post to have and raise children before going back to their duties. Her status as a hero in their society, her partner's status and disappearance would all contribute to even more support for a lengthy maternity leave. Stress was bad for an expectant mother, which meant it was bad for the baby. Hell, they were likely to encourage her to take a position at the Academy helping raise generation after generation of Shadowhunters if there was a chance she would raise her child up as a Shadowhunter and they would have one more warrior for the cause. 

“I should go make arrangements.” She said, but didn’t move even a fraction of an inch. “Any news?” 

Alec cracked his knuckles anxiously and shook his head. “Nothing actionable. It’s looking like he may have been captured.” 

He knew that this news would be both disheartening and reassuring at the same time. The likelihood that he would be killed, or missing without his memory was lower, but the risk of torture or experimentation was higher. 

Alec sat quietly for a moment as his thoughts drifted when he looked at Clary she was intently studying him. “What?”

She gave a little shrug, “I’m just surprised you’re not, I don’t know, organizing search parties at every Institute you can, or convincing Magnus to portal you to every city he’s able to.” 

He gave her a small smile and nodded in understanding, it was exactly why he was surprised he was able to keep her in one location so far. To not go running headlong into unknown danger. 

“Well for one thing I have people for that now. But do you remember a few years ago, the Shadowhunter lieutenant at the Rome Institute? Her parabatai died while hunting a Mantid demon, torn apart right in front of her?” 

His brow furrowed thinking about what happened and Clary nodded remembering the incident. “I was called in because there were inconsistencies in why they were dispatched when they were junior to everyone else on staff that night. Why had they been sent out? Turns out it was just a series of accidents. Jace and I were video chatting a few days later and he brought it up. He quoted our oath. ‘ _Thy people shall be my people.’_ I’m honoring him by honoring his request, but for the record Clary- you've been one of my people for awhile now.”

How hard fought was this friendship between them, how many times did he disagree with her when she first came to the Institute, hating the changes in Jace she inspired. It was after Lake Lyn, when he found out that she had used the one wish to bring Jace back to them when things changed. When Alec realized that she would sacrifice anything for him to live that he started to begrudgingly respect her. 

She gathered her sketchbooks and letters, throwing them into her satchel. “You’ve been one of my people for awhile now too Alec. You’re not bad for a stepbrother.” 

Alec laughed at the statement, but it was basically true. Luke and her mother had been together for almost all of her life, he raised and loved Clary as his own. Maryse and Luke's eventual relationship came to both families as a surprise, but not unwelcome. 

She stood and slung the bag over her shoulder. She turned to leave but stopped, not looking at him.

“I hate him a little for making me promise not to search, but… I love him for sending me you.” 

###  **Green**

_Green will mend our broken hearts._

They arrived late at night, the city quiet and the demon towers glowed gently, protecting the city silently. Clary didn’t even make it past the foyer before Magnus appeared and folded her into a hug whispering something reassuring in ancient Malay. It didn’t matter what he said, it was the sentiment she felt in the words. 

As he let go he whispered to her “Stay as long as you need biscuit. Let family catch you, okay?” 

She nodded as unshed tears made her vision blurry. She peeled off her jacket and wandered further into the apartment, happy to give the couple a moment alone. 

She had thought that by arriving so late the boys would already be asleep but it seemed they had different ideas. Both were curiously looking at her from their door, all pajamas and bed head. Raf was rubbing his eyes and Max was holding onto his stuffed animal. 

It only took them a second to register her as she turned, both of them barreling down the hallway to hug her. She knelt to absorb both of them into her arms. Alec and Magnus both making comments watching the sight. Chastising the boys for being awake at this hour, for crashing into her so rudely. Alec heard himself asking them to be gentle with her, channeling his mother in a wholly surprising way. 

Clary just laughed and listened as both of the children tried to tell her things about their day or ask why she was visiting so late and how long would she be there, would she be there for breakfast with them?

It was little Max who stopped the conversation to press his blue hands into her cheeks. “Why sad? 

His face went serious, concerned for his aunt and Rafael’s went still noticing the mood shift slightly. Without realizing it Clary had been crying, tears running down her face. 

Clary sniffed and she tried to compose herself, “I just missed you two _so_ much! You’ve gotten so big!!” 

This answer didn’t seem to assuage either of the boys who shared a glance between them but they accepted it in that way children do when presented with no other explanation. 

It was Raf that asked the next logical question, “Is uncle Jace with you?” Alec felt his jaw twitch and almost intervened then, not wanting the kids to make her upset. But Clary surprised them both by answering the boys simply, “He’s not, I get you all to myself!” 

The boys giggled as she tickled them again, happy to throw their arms around her for another hug. She held onto their hands as she stood pointing them towards Alec. “Now it is quite late, you should say goodnight to your dads and I’ll tuck you both in.” 

The boys turned to Alec and Magnus, hugs and kisses interspersed with “We missed you dad” and “Welcome home” and fast as they had appeared they scampered back down the hallway. 

Clary wiped her eyes and followed, disappearing into their bedroom. 

Alec reached for Magnus as she departed, seeking comfort in his arms. Knowing what he did, Jace missing, Clary pregnant, their future so unsure. Clary being so kind to his boys despite what she was going through. Magnus sheltered him for a moment, smelling like sandalwood and the unmistakable scent of home. 

When Clary rejoined them she heaved a deep breath and smiled at them both. “They really have gotten so big. Thank you both for hosting me on such short notice.” She wandered over to the open balcony door breathing in the fresh air and glittering lights of the city. 

“Of course biscuit, stay as long as you want.” Magnus headed over to the antique rolling cart that housed their liquor about to mix up a drink. Alec waved him off with a little gesture and mimed drinking from a tea cup, his pinky out. Magnus’ face looked confused for a second and with a small shrug he conjured a tea service including a warm scone and clotted cream. 

Alec once again doctored a mug and pressed it into Clary’s hands. “Drink.” He was gentle in his encouragement. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw her eat anything, and although she always kept a water bottle close he hadn’t seen her drink from it in awhile. 

He tried not to hover after she took a few sips, trusting that she knew how best to take care of herself. He realized that worrying about her was just deflecting the stress and worry about his brother but it didn’t matter. She was the most precious thing Jace’s life and he would care for and protect her as best he could. 

They stood on the balcony together taking in the night air as Clary focused on her tea and scone. She listened to Alec and Magnus catch her up to the goings on in Idris. What festival was next, who returned recently from deployment from a far flung Institute. But for a while they just stood in silence before Clary seemed to finally take an easy breath and turned towards them. 

“Magnus, Jace and I have some news. We had hoped to tell you together in a few weeks when you visited but… happy news is in short supply and I have some to share.” 

Magnus focused on her, studying every detail trying to prognosticate the news. 

“I’m pregnant.” Her voice was watery but strong, Alec could see the conflicted emotions play over her face. 

Magnus blinked for a second taking the info in. “What? How?” He paused and held up a finger fully understanding how babies were made, just surprised at the news. He followed up with more questions. “Cravings? Due date? _Baby shower?_ ” 

Clary laughed a genuine happy laugh and Alec was glad to hear it. “Gummy worms, and French fries. About five months or so? No plans yet, you and Alec are the first people we were going to tell, so no plans right now.” 

Alec could see the gears turning in his husband's head. By tomorrow there would be a cabinet stocked with her favorites, a shower theme would be picked out by the afternoon and Magnus would gladly rearrange his schedule around her for next few months even if Jace was located. 

Alec realized that both of them were going to be over protective and prone to hovering when it came to Clary. They both needed to temper this reaction and not smother her, to let her ask if she needed them. More than anything he wished Jace was here, that they could be celebrating together. He could only imagine how protective Jace would be of her, of both of them. 

Clary saw that thought flicker across his face. “No, we don’t get to be sad about this yet Alec. He’s coming home… to all of us.” 

This was the Clary who Alec admired the most. The determined one, the woman who had never failed Alec or his family. Through obstacles and enemies she would move heaven and earth for those she cared about. As much as he felt like he was being swallowed by despair minute by minute, her resolve gave him hope. 

“I know,” he responded “it’s just hard to feel it today.” His hand drifted to the parabatai rune on his flank. 

She took a step closer and grabbed his hand, “Then come find me and I’ll remind you.” 

She gave Alec’s hand a squeeze and pressed a kiss to Magnus’ cheek. “I know it’s early for New York time but it’s bedtime for me.” They both almost followed her but she stopped them with a wave of her hand. “Guys, I’m sure the guest room is in the same place.” 

They stood silently for a while, Magnus used a magical snap to softly close the balcony doors in case one or both of the boys woke. 

Alec didn’t know exactly when he started crying, just that Magnus was there with him through it. A wave to turn the lights off in the house, and a second to clean up the dishes before leading him silently to their bedroom. 

Magnus undressed him by hand, stripping him layer by layer. A kiss here, a soft touch to a scar there. He could have used magic but Alec knew why he did it this way. It reminded him that Magnus was there and whatever was the emergency they could tackle it together. 

He drifted to sleep quickly, feeling wrung out by the past few days. His tear stained face pressed into Magnus’ neck, clinging to his husband for support which Magnus was happy to provide. 

The next day they woke to both boys having snuck into Clary’s room to sleep. Rafael was tucked along her side, her arm around him. Max was basically laying atop her and his older brother, using his stuffed animal as a pillow. Alec was mad for a second until he noticed how deeply she was still asleep, her face turned and pressed into Raf’s dark hair. Even when she was under the somno rune there was a hint of tenseness in her body. As if she would have to wake up and fight at a moment's notice. But here she looked like the perfect picture of a doting aunt who’s nephews didn’t want to miss a moment with her. 

Alec left to get breakfast started and let Magnus rouse her, shuffling Max gently with magic and letting her slip from the bed. They let boys sleep a little longer curled up near each other. Magnus watched as she ruffled their hair and tucked the blanket tighter around them before heading to take a shower. 

He noticed at breakfast that she didn’t dress in the traditional black of a Shadowhunter, eschewing the hard working black jeans and leather jacket for a forest green peplum top and tight fitting leggings. She kept her usual low heeled Doc Martin boots, as a New Yorker comfortable footwear had come well before her involvement in the Downworld. 

Alec remembered the old children’s rhyme he had learned from his father, green was for heartbreak. This older, more mature Clary had apparently learned to use every opportunity for politics. 

With news of Jace’s disappearance rapidly spreading through the ranks she would be under constant scrutiny. Clary would be asked to take meetings or tour locations- and it looked like she would be dressed in green reminding everyone that her soulmate was missing. That she had lost a part of herself for their cause and she wouldn’t let them forget it. 

It was two days later when the Herondale family lawyer asked to meet with her, wanting to reintroduce herself and inform her of something. Clary had met her briefly once, after Imogen’s death and Jace’s role in it was cleared. Say what you will about the Shadowhunter lifestyle, but having to write provisions for possible demonic possession had to be emotionally taxing for anyone finalizing a last will and testament. 

Clary thought they would be meeting at an office but instead found herself being escorted into a large townhouse adjacent to Angel Square. Most of the furniture was under white sheets, and although clean there was a general sense of emptiness to the hallways. The only room that at all felt lived in was an office on the second floor, all of the furniture was uncovered and nothing had even a hint of dust. There were signs of someone using the desk recently, a small stack of fire messages and a covered decanter of water. 

It took her a moment to remember the lawyer's name, thankfully it came to her as the woman stood. “Adria it’s lovely to see you again.” 

They shook hands and sat at the round work table in the corner opposite of the large desk, a few stacks of documents were in front of them. “You as well, I’m sorry it has to be under these circumstances, Clary.”

She gestured to the documents in front of her, “This is just an initial, and by the Angel willing, pointless conversation regarding a few things Jace wanted to make you aware of in the event he went missing.” 

Puzzle pieces were falling into place, he really had planned for this eventuality. Adria outlined the broad strokes, in the event of his disappearance she was the executrix of the estate until such time he was declared as deceased and then the entire estate was settled on her. Clary let out a short shocked breath at the news. 

Adria slipped a ring of keys across the table, “He left a letter for you, it’s on the desk. This townhouse is yours, well yours and Jace’s. He put your name on the deed a few years ago but only recently finalized some renovations. He thought some changes would make it more familiar, homey for you.” 

Adria gathered up the documents that needed to go with her, a few folios remained on the table and she made her way to the door. “If you decide you want to open the house give my office a call, there’s a team on retainer.” 

She departed quietly, leaving Clary alone in her thoughts. She decided to avoid reading the letter a little longer by exploring the townhouse. Little signs of Jace were here, little touches of him planning a future for the both of them. In the kitchen the sink was a large deep farm sink. She remembered he had mentioned that he always loved the sink in the cabin Valentine kept him in growing up. 

On the same floor as the office there was a room with its own balcony overlooking the small back garden, he had set it up as an artist studio. An easel was situated in the corner with the best light, a large drafting table was laid flat with stacks of new art supplies were arranged on it. New sketchbooks, charcoals, pastels, and more all waiting for her. She could almost imagine spending time here with Jace, with a family, but as soon as an image formed it started to slip away lost to her fears.

At some point she realized the light had changed through the windows and went back to the office to find her phone, wondering if she missed any news on finding Jace. Instead, all she saw was the letter sitting in the middle of the blotter on the desk. 

She sat in his chair, its cool leather swallowing her much smaller frame. Jace was significantly taller than her and her feet swung a little not able to reach the floor. Instead she pulled her feet up and hugged her arms around herself, able to do nothing but stare at the letter. 

She didn’t realize she had fallen asleep until someone was shaking her gently, instinctively she went for a kindjal only to realize she hadn’t carried them since she left New York. It was dark and Alec had taken a knee in front of her chair, concern was written across his face. “Clary?” 

She stared at him, stupefied for a moment. “Did you know about this?” 

He paused before nodding. “Yes, he was planning on bringing you here for a few days around your birthday.” 

Alec stood and turned on a desk lap, Clary noticed that the stained glass pattern was herons in flight on a sky blue background. She loved it, she loved seeing Jace connect to his ancestry. She also wanted to rip it from the desk and smash it to the ground in a thousand pieces. 

Alec slung her bag over his shoulder and held out her jacket for her to slip on. When they left he locked up with the keys Adria had left for her and said, “It’ll be here tomorrow.” 

Clary tried to sleep but all she could think about was Jace’s plans, his letters. Every time she closed her eyes all she could see was the small room she found off the main bedroom suite. It must have been built as a dressing room or private sitting room, but when Clary walked in she could see it as a nursery. She wondered if they would decorate it together or if she would alone. Frustrated she pulled the blankets off herself and went to the kitchen. She hoped gummy bears would help. 

Magnus found Clary drowning her sorrows in gummy snacks at the kitchen counter. 

“Biscuit? Why are you sitting in the dark alone eating sugary snacks?” Clary pushed the bag of candy towards him and raised an eyebrow. “Now I’m not alone.” 

Obligingly he sat next to her at the breakfast bar and ate a few of them. “Why are you up?” Magnus paused before he answered, “Late call. Why are _you_ up?” 

It took her a moment to speak, trying to contain her emotions. “ _We_ have a townhouse near Angel Square. I think it’s sat empty since before Imogen passed but Jace has been… I guess he wanted us to have a home here, for visits and the future.”

Magnus smiled, “Neither of you will be a Shadowhunter forever, Clary. I never thought that Alec would be the Inquisitor and yet...” He gestured to the apartment around them, the demon towers glowing gently outside the window. He continued, “I don’t think New York is your last stop biscuit. Research position? The Council? Quit it all to dedicate yourself back to art?” 

Clary picked her favorite flavor out of the bag and considered his words. “I’ve never really thought about it, but Jace has apparently.” 

Magnus rubbed her back a little, trying to reassure her. “How do you feel about that?” 

Clary buried her head in her hands and gave a quiet groan, “I don’t know. Everything is jumbled and terrible right now, but being in that house… I could feel Jace there, Magnus. I thought about opening the house and living there for a little while.” 

Magnus ran his fingers through her hair, comforting and listening. “Clary, as long as you’re not chasing ghosts I think you should embrace it, you deserve to feel him with you right now.” He folded the bag of candy over on itself and set it out of her reach. 

“You also deserve a good night's sleep, off to dreamland with you.” She laughed a little and walked out of the kitchen with him, he gave a last squeeze to her hand as she opened the guest bedroom door. 

Her first night in the townhouse was also the first night she dreamed of Jace since he disappeared. It didn’t feel like a dream at first, they were asleep in their bed in New York and her time in Alicante was the nightmare she just woke up from. Clary rolled over and tried to wake him but she couldn’t. When she tried to call him, her voice got lost in her throat and nothing came out, she tried to shake him awake but he didn’t rouse. When she reached for her stele both of their runes started glowing, activating all at once before extinguishing plunging her into darkness. When she woke her hand itched with the need to sketch, to try to translate her frayed memory to paper. 

Clary didn’t even put her robe on, just went to the studio and threw herself into her charcoal and paper.

###  **Gray**

_Gray for knowledge best untold._

She had settled into a pattern in the weeks since coming to Alicante, finding something like a life there. 

Clary continued to have dreams about Jace, every morning she would draw anything she could remember but most of it was just feelings, impressions of memories. Nothing tangible. She had even tried experimenting with falling asleep with her clairvoyance rune activated trying to increase her ability to stay in the dreams, but all it did was lead to a headache the next day. 

In her dreams she wandered the halls of the New York Institute, sometimes she’d catch Jace out of the corner of her eye. When she’d turn the corner to follow him she’d find herself somewhere else in the building. Other times he was laying on a cot, unconscious and too still. she couldn’t make out his surroundings all the time but little clues were there that she would try to capture. 

Clary would always try to rouse him, cupping her hand around his jaw or holding his hand, his runes would flare for a moment and then extinguish. Alec had encouraged her to keep trying, to keep sketching, but that if they were linked the connection was most likely a stream that she was dipping her toe into, not a switch that she could control. He described how their parabatai bond felt at times, sensing his mood or physical state. He confessed that his connection had felt numb since that night. Not strained, no pain, just like a limb that had fallen asleep while sitting in a chair. 

She spent an evening talking to Luke about them, fearing it was her own anxiety and they had no greater meaning. He suggested there was no reason it couldn’t be both, but implored her not to take risks in delving deeper into the dream world. She could hear his warning clear as the moment he said it, “Clary, please don’t go somewhere we can’t follow.” 

After breakfast she would dress for form training, usually on the townhouse roof terrace taking advantage of the fall weather. Almost every day she could be seen, her kindjals flashing as she danced and wove through the defensive patterns and then the offensive ones. She wasn’t planning on losing her hard earned fighting skills, and as a quiet middle finger to the Council she did it on full display of Alicante. Annoyingly, the Council had banned anyone from sparring with her. She had spent years becoming a weapon for them and now because of _“her condition”_ they had proclaimed it to be too dangerous. So she trained by herself for hours each morning, over and over she repeated the forms. 

But even more than that, when she was able to let go and focus entirely on the flow of the movements she could hear Jace walking her through them. The sense memory would pass into her body like an electrical current. She could feel his hand gently correcting a position or the whisper of his breath on her neck as he talked her through the foot work. His chest pressed into her back, their breathing in sync as they moved as one. It gave her hope.  
  
Every few days she was asked to come to the Academy and demonstrate some of the runes she had created for an advanced class. Showing them the power of the sunlight rune, or how she set the alarm rune. But it wasn’t even half engaging as being the head of an Institute, collaborating with the Downworld to make their world and the mundane world safe and welcoming for all. But it was her duty, and allowed her to meet prospective trainees that could be wooed to get their start in New York City. So she happily went when asked.

She had requested and been granted a special research permission at the archives and spent the rest of her day researching whatever struck her as interesting. After lunch she usually walked there taking in the fresh air, using it as a cool down from her morning workout. She tried to ignore the looks she got as she wandered the streets of Alicante, Alec had assigned at least one Shadowhunter to escort her when she was in public which only made Clary more conscious of the stares. 

But she figured she’d use the time that she was here to read any of the restricted books she could get her hands on. Most of the time it was studying ancient runes or history of runes, she absorbed as much knowledge as she could. 

At some point in the past week she had, as the mundanes had alway put it “popped”. There was no hiding the baby bump any more behind peplum tops and blazers. Clary embraced the change by allowing Magnus to treat her to several high end maternity shopping sprees. 

They spent two days portaling to shops all over the world expanding her wardrobe. Alec insisted on a protective detail to travel with them worried about her safety outside the safer Shadowhunter trained umbrella of Idris, but was happy when Magnus reported that shopping made her ravenous at their lunches together in whatever city they ended up in. 

Clary had made the announcement to the rest of the family about expecting a baby with a different sort of reveal than she and Jace had imagined. She had sent them all cheesy “World’s Best” mugs and had them video chat her to unwrap them. She watched as Luke choked up and turned away from the camera when he read his, “Worlds Best Grandpa”. 

Her evenings were filled with the Lightwood-Bane boys. Homework to dinner to bedtime she cherished any time with them. Clary wondered if this would be her future, a loud, rambunctious family or would her future look a lot like her past. Single mother, trying to forget her Shadowhunter past, and a sense of sadness that even a beloved child couldn’t always overcome and would never understand. 

At the end of the night either Magnus or Alec would walk her back to the Herondale townhouse making sure she was safely locked up before they departed. Alec never mentioned to Clary why one of them always did this but Magnus had seen the threatening messages from members of the Circle on his desk. The anonymously printed manifestos about Nephilim superiority and the eventual betrayal of the Downworlders. 

It was two days after the Harvest Festival in Alicante Clary woke up to better news than she had fallen asleep with. The Commander that was heading up the search had captured a warlock who admitted to providing a portal to a warehouse district outside Shanghai. That night she dreamed of Jace again, she was standing above his cot calling to him. She felt the sting of a rune being drawn on her hand and looked down to see a shape she had never seen before. When she looked at Jace’s hand it was there as well. Her fingers reached out to touch his but they never made contact, waking up alone in the middle of the night. 

The next day Alec had requested she spend the night in their guest room while he joined the strikeforce that would hopefully bring him back to all of them. She and Magnus had just sent the boys to their lessons the next day when she got his fire message. “He’s safe.” 

She made it to the balcony before collapsing into her relief. The tightly held emotions of the past few weeks finally crumbling in a landslide of tears. When Magnus got to her she couldn’t stop crying, her entire body trembling. Not knowing what else to do when he couldn’t calm her he called Dr. Rosestone who recommended a sleeping draught if she didn’t come out of it soon. 

It was twelve hours later when Alec escorted Jace’s stretcher through a portal into the Basilias. Like in her dreams, his runes activated seemingly randomly but he remained unconscious. Over the next day Clary wouldn’t leave his side, healers, warlocks, Silent Brothers all came to investigate and try to assist his condition. No one had any idea on how to correct it, to bring Jace back to her. _To them._

She caught a glimpse of a new rune on his chest as Brother Uriah finished his examination, an agony rune. Someone had taken time and care in marking him and it was written as large as possible close to his heart. She stopped him from covering Jace for a moment to look at it, she didn’t think before reaching out to touch it. All of his runes flared in response and Clary saw his jaw clench in pain. She pulled her hand back like it had been burned and sat back feeling a sting in her fingers. 

They all whispered around her, afraid for her state, but for now she was content. He was alive, he was with her, she would fix the rest. She might have to burn heaven to the ground and embrace hell with open arms but her failing him was not an option. 

She overheard Magnus and Alec discussing it quietly outside the hospital door, wondering if they could use magic to send Alec into his coma like they did when Jace had been possessed by Lilith. The risk of all of them being lost was too great and Clary didn’t like that thought. She couldn’t imagine the boys losing either parent, but both would be unforgivable. And still, Jace’s runes would activate and then extinguish every few hours like a coded message she couldn’t decipher. 

It was predawn when she felt that itch in her fingers again, the sting returning. Jace’s hands twitched a little against her hand and she saw the outlines of that rune again, faint on both of their palms. 

Across from her Alec was awkwardly folded into a hospital chair, his legs too long and his frame too large to find comfort in any position. His jacket was across his chest for warmth, he had covered Clary with a spare blanket from the closet. 

She stared at him a moment, remembering moments in their friendship, remembering fights. She knew in her bones she was risking him hating her for taking his choice away, but she didn’t care. 

She reached for her stele only to come up empty handed. She closed her eyes in frustration, everything had been a blur since Alec’s message and she must have left it at the townhouse days earlier. 

Alec startled when she tucked the jacket over his shoulders, eyes blinking open confused. “Shh, you just looked cold Alec.” She ruffled his hair gently, “Go back to sleep.” He nodded and closed his eyes, his arms crossed tightly across his body. He looked so young and unburdened asleep, Clary wished she saw this Alec more when he was awake. She continued to tuck with one hand while she slid his stele out of its holster. 

She conjured the rune in her mind again and scribed it on her palm, it stung but it was like she could feel currents of emotion in the air. Traces of pain or happiness slipping through her fingers like water in a stream. She drew the same mark on Jace’s palm and set the stele aside. 

Her runed hand kept drifting towards his, like a magnet and she let go of her hesitation, gripping his hand and pressing their new matched runes together. 

She wondered who had turned on all the lights in his room before realizing that they were the source of the light. This had happened in the courtyard once when she tried to use her blood to track Jonathan. But then the connection had just fizzled out, now she could feel it growing stronger. 

She looked up at Alec when he shouted her name and could feel his hands try to pull theirs apart. 

And then everything went black. 

###  **Blue**

_Blue banners when the lost return._

When she opened her eyes she was in their office at the New York Institute. Clary could hear the rain pelting the roof and the fire was built and banked trying to burn off what humidity and cold it could. 

She tried to remember why this was important. Why was this where Jace’s mind brought her first? She called for him, her voice barely reaching her own ears no matter how loud she yelled. 

When she left the office the hallway seemed darker and longer than reality. She tried to go to the ops center, only to find that she was suddenly kneeling at the fireplace in her old room. 

Her hand was burning, an angry red wound opening on her palm, the feeling of Jonathan’s connection to her twisting in her stomach. Suddenly he was there. _Clary!_ She felt him pull her away from the flames, his voice anxious, worried. She had her own memory of this, a first in a steady line of mistakes while under that twinning rune. 

She felt him push her hair aside and activate her iratze, the gentle touch of his stele against her skin. When she looked up he was gone. 

She tried to follow him, but when she tried to go to the hallway the door led instead to his bedroom, their current quarters. Her own dead body was copied here so many times. There must have been over twenty of them on the floor. 

Even bloody and broken, she was struck by how young she looked in this memory. Had her perception of herself gotten older or had this moment frozen in time for him. She suddenly realized where she might be. Neither Alec or Jace would tell her much about what had happened here, but Izzy had. 

Part of his prison Lilith had trapped him in when he was under her control. She asked once what he saw and his entire body tensed up and he could only shake his head. She had never pressed, knowing that there were some things, some pain, they’d never willingly share with the other. 

He was kneeling on the bed, dagger in one hand, bloody and vicious looking. His other held her hand, her heart ached seeing him crying. Quiet, pleading sobs as her body lay in front of him. 

“Jace, I’m here. I came to find you.” A hurt frightened cry ripped from his chest. It was too much for him to bear, her dead in front of him and then to hear her voice. 

She slowly circled the bed placing herself in his line of sight. He was trembling, asking the dead version of her to wake up. He must have heard her or caught her in the corner of his eye. He reacted instantly, trying to put more distance between them. “No Clary, I’ll kill you too, no.” He still had the dagger, he couldn’t drop it. He backed away further, putting himself in the corner of his wardrobe and the stone wall. His eyes were puffy and red, the look on his face pure terror. 

When she blinked the dead versions of her were gone leaving behind puddles of her blood. Was the nightmare resetting or had her presence changed something. 

How had being trapped here all those weeks back then not broken his spirit, she always knew he was strong but to know how much he endured made her in awe of his resilience. His capacity to love. She hoped that his strength would continue. 

She approached him cautiously. He was closer to a wounded animal than a trained Shadowhunter at this moment. Gently she grabbed his wrist turning it so his palm face up, his grip on the dagger softened. Something zinged between them, and the runes near where they were touching began to flare. Their souls recognizing each other. 

He looked startled as he realized she must be real. She wasn’t part of this nightmare he was reliving over and over in his own mind. She disarmed him, turning to fling the knife across the room. How long had he been reliving this moment, she knew what it would do to her if their roles were reversed. When she glanced back down he was gone again. Her hand closed around the empty space where his wrist had been.

His mind was trying to protect itself, limit the trauma to what it knew, not allow new memories to torture him. The combination of the Remnant Circle members using an agony rune on him while all of his runes activated caused a feedback loop of his own personal terror.

This time when she passed through the door she was back in the hallway. She was starting to hear sounds, the muffled aspect of his mind fading. Music, piano. Clary closed her eyes and tried to let the music lead her. Bach. She didn’t move but there was a new scene in front of her. 

Wayland, the glamour that Valentine had used to raise Jace was there. Jace looked so young, no older than Rafael. She tried to move forward, to stop what was about to happen. No matter how many steps forward she took they never got any closer.

A discordant note sounded on the piano and the music stopped, his fingers trembling as he looked up to the man he thought was his father. Clary screamed to get his attention, she tried desperately to move to him. It didn’t matter, when she looked at Wayland again it was Valentine his true self revealed. Jace barely flinched as her father broke his ring finger, Valentine didn’t heal it immediately. He took the opportunity to lecture Jace about how perfection needed to be obtained. _I do this because I love you son._ The bone made a small snapping sound as it healed, the boys hands flexed once and he returned them to their positions on the piano keys. 

Valentine walked past her, oblivious to her presence and Jace was an adult again sitting on the piano bench. Clary said his name again like a prayer and this time he heard her. He looked directly at her. 

“I know you.” The recognition in his eyes made her spirit soar for a heartbeat. When he stood and reached for her they were pushed apart. The door slammed in her face the last thing she saw was Jace standing there confused and alone. Clary let out a frustrated scream, something was keeping them apart. 

When she turned to go to another door she was on that damn boat again. Valentines boat in the East River. New York in the distance. How many Downworlders had he tortured and murdered on that ship, how close had Jace come to giving up. He had believed Valentines lies, that he was part demon, and that no amount of good in his life would ever make up for his tainted blood. That his existence was cursed- demon and Nephilim, outcast in both worlds.

Clary went below deck to the main cargo hold, it had been cleared of the cages and the shipping crates. Another version of her was also here, dressed in pale gold. It was a wedding gown, Clary wondered if this was what Jace imagined her in when he proposed to her. His fears had captured him here too she noticed. The front panel of her dress, from throat to hem was crimson and soaked with her blood. Valentine was holding her body, pretending to dance the waltz with her corpse. 

“You picked a beautiful bride, son.” Valentines' voice boomed in the space, ricocheting off the flat metal surfaces. Evil hummed in the air and made her skin crawl. 

She heard an anguished roar and she saw Jace finally. Shackled to the floor on his knees, his clothing was splashed with blood. She knew it was hers, that Valentine had killed her close enough to do that to Jace. Valentine continued to dance, “Dear, _dead_ , Clarissa.” one final spin and he unceremoniously dropped her body in front of Jace. His soulmate reduced to nothing more than a pile of pale flesh and gold silk soaked in blood. He continued to dance without her body, positioning himself to watch Jace’s reaction to the dead Clary in front of him. 

Her head fell near his knee and Jace bent over trying to rouse her. Begging her to wake up. His arms were still shackled, and Jace pulled at them trying to touch the dead Clary in front of him. Instead he rested his head on her chest, listening to the absence of her heartbeat as tears flowed freely. 

Clary stepped forward, she couldn’t let him continue to hurt thinking she was dead. “Jace, this isn’t real.” She was still somewhat in the shadows and started to advance, wishing she had a seraph blade. 

Valentine looked up hearing her voice and started clapping. “Oh Jonathan Christopher. You have outdone yourself.” Valentine reached down and pulled Jace up by his hair to look at her. The red smear of her blood on his face was wet and made him look frightening. But Jace wasn’t the monster in this room. 

“How should I kill her, son?” His eyes cleared for a second looking at her, seeing that she was alive and there for him. A moment of hope passed over Jace’s face only to be quickly replaced by a new found terror. He recognized on some level that she was different, that she wasn’t part of his psyche alone. 

“Honey, you need to come with me. Alec, and your mom _need_ you.” 

His chains rattled, and Jace tried to pull his head from Valentine’s grip. Clary noticed the bruises on his face, the red mark of a hand that had been around his throat. 

Clary took another step forward, “I will not stop fighting to bring you back to us.” 

Valentine was in his ear, “Maybe I should snap her neck like your falcon.” Jace made a whimper connecting Clary with that terrible memory. 

“Your family needs you, Jace.” Something of again flashed in his eyes only to be extinguished by fear, this was the Jace she had been searching for. 

She stepped into the brighter light and Valentine stood up to his full height, “Oh son, look. She brought me your child, maybe this one won’t _fail_ me like you did.” 

Until now she hadn’t been aware of herself being pregnant in his mind, now but when she looked down there was the round swell of their child. 

“Jace, I think you’re here because something went wrong. You were in Barcelona, your runes activated while they were torturing you. This isn’t real. This isn’t like it was with Lilith. You need to remember.” 

Valentine advanced on her but she danced away from him, she was still weaponless, pregnant, and in her soulmates nightmare fun factory. Her father wasn’t armed yet but she wasn’t willing to take any risks. 

When she looked at Jace again her corpse was gone and his bruises were healed. He was still shackled, kneeling watching her in curious awe. She took it as a good sign, she hoped it meant he was starting to exert control over his nightmares again. 

Valentine made a run at her, a short sword suddenly in his hands. “Jace you need to come with me, it’s okay.” Her luck of her father being unarmed had come to an end.

She ducked his lunge and wished for her knives or at least something she could use as a staff. When she looked at Jace again her blood was missing from his clothing and face, he was wearing his usual patrol gear. Boots, jeans, black shirt, and most importantly his knives. The handle for his Seraph blade was just out of reach from his shackled hands. 

She retreated from Valentine, edging closer to Jace. She ducked and yanked the blade free, feeling it shimmer to life. The weight of it nearly pulled her off balance. This was Jace’s monstrosity of a Seraph blade, made and balanced for his fighting style. 

Valentine lunged for Jace this time, trying to drive the point of his knife into his chest. Clary parried his attacks. Bodily protecting Jace, putting herself between her father and Jace. She front kicked to put space between herself and her father. He stumbled back and started to circle them again.

She tried to think of something to tell him to prove it was her, but anything she could think of he would already know. He might just think it was his subconscious filling in a gap or making up a lie. And then she remembered the home he had renovated for her, the desk lamp with the herons. 

“Jace, you renovated the Herondale townhouse for us.” Valentine circled them occasionally making a thrust forward, looking for an opportunity to strike. “On your desk is a stained glass lamp of herons. You made me a studio on the second floor overlooking the back garden.” 

She couldn’t tear her eyes away from Valentine but Jace responded. “Clary?” He sounded so sad, so hopeful. Her grip slipped a little on his sword and she shifted to a two hand grip to account for the weight. 

“Jace, why in the name of the Angel is your sword so big. Was a normal sized blade just not enough for your ego?” Her voice was tinged with weeks of pent up frustration with his disappearance.

Valentine drove forward in another attack and several things happened seemingly all at once. She easily handled the first parry bringing the sword up and across her body the grip at her shoulder and she turned to push the blow away from them. When Valentine went to counter attack the force nearly caused her to drop it, the blow vibrated down the sword and up her arm painfully. 

And there Jace was. His hand covering hers as he helped her hold onto the sword. His body fitting behind her like a protective shell, his arm under and along hers, she nearly cried in relief. All of their runes started to glow when their bare skin touched. Clary could feel them strengthening her and knew it was doing the same for him. She willed him what little strength she had left sending a prayer to the Angel that they would be able to do this together.

His free hand came up to hers, pressing a shorter knife into it. His boot knife, a Seraph dirk. He was free, he was armed, and now so was she. 

She let go of his sword, and let him carry the weight. His arm came up around her chest and spun her out and away from his body as he advanced and stepped in front of her. 

It was over shortly after that. Valentine only got one more advance on Jace who perused when Valentine tried to retreat. Jace’s sword went through his chest with a wet crunching sound and Jace twisted it for good measure. He kicked his dead weight free of his blade and then Valentine was finally dead on the deck. His eyes were open and unseeing. 

Jace stood there for a moment catching his breath. His blade dripped with Valentine’s blood. Clary circled wider than the length of his sword cautiously, hoping this was the end game to Jace’s torture. 

“Jace?” She deactivated his dirk and turned the handle to face him. She lifted it palm up in her hand for him to take. His sword still hadn’t deactivated shining brightly even in the filtered daylight of the room. 

When Jace focused on her, looking her over to really acknowledge her presence, it gave Clary the first easy breath of air since he had gone missing. She realized that she had never fully exhaled all these weeks, always waiting for bad news to find her and knock the wind out of her. 

He gently knocked the dirk out of her hand and dropped his sword using both hands to tangle in her hair for a moment. “Clary?” 

He kissed her like a drowning man gasping for air and she responded trying to pull him closer, pull herself higher to him. His hands settled on her waist gently arching her back to pull her closer to his chest. Both of them were crying. She surfaced to breathe and he rested his forehead on hers, closing his eyes. 

“Clary, at the risk of you picking up my sword again, is there more of you now?” She laughed and buried her face into his chest. His hands explored the newer curves of her body before stepping back at arm's length, taking her in. 

His face fell as he actually saw her for the first time, “Clary… how long?” He couldn’t bring himself to continue, his breathing had a frantic hitch in it. 

Clary cupped his jaw, pulling his focus back to her face. “Just a few weeks, it’s okay.” She tried to reassure him. “Jace, we should go.” He gave a final kiss to her forehead and grabbed her hand.

Together they turned to leave the ship, only when they took their first step their feet landed in their office in the New York Institute. The rain was pummeling the windows and embers in the fireplace were slowly extinguishing. 

“Why are we here?” Jace pulled her closer and looked around for whatever danger was next. 

“I don’t know, but this is the first place I came to. I recognize this night but I can’t remember it.” 

Jace let her go and wandered over to the desk looking at the items on it, recognition shot across his face for a fraction of a second. “Jace?” 

He came back to her and wrapped his arms around her, “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, Clary. You’re okay, that’s all that matters.” He was trembling and he pulled her against him as tight as he dared. 

“Jace that’s not how this works, what night is this?” Clary pushed against him trying to look at his face. 

He shook his head and she felt his breathing start to strain. “All you wanted to do was just hold my hand.” His voice broke with a sob, and the meaning dawned on her. She realized why this was one of his nightmares. 

All of these situations tortured and haunted him and that night that was no different. “Oh Jace.” He pulled back standing apart from her and scrubbed his face, “I failed you.” His voice was a broken husk of its normal sound.

She had seen and heard a lot of terrible things since she had arrived but this was maybe the worst. “You did _not_ fail me, you did not fail _us_.” 

Self loathing twisted his beautiful face into something ugly before he schooled it into something that was almost neutral. Guarded and remote. She remembered this Jace, the one who believed that anything less than perfection was abject failure, that _he_ was one minor mistake from being an abject failure. 

He’d been carrying the pain of this night ever since he found her wounded in that alley off Canal. 

“You finally got released from the infirmary, and I carried you up to our bedroom. Even asleep you were crying, and I tuck... “ his voice failed him and he paused to compose himself “I tucked you in, and you reached out for my hand. Even when you’re asleep you find me.” 

She resisted every inclination to hold him, to put her body against his and try to comfort him. He needed to find peace himself. 

“This night has been eating you alive since it happened.” Jace wouldn’t make eye contact with her, settling on her shoulder instead. “Eventually you let go and rolled over to my side of the bed and I went downstairs to our office…” 

Clary reached out and put her hand on his chest, “You went downstairs and you put away your grief, you hid it because you thought showing it would hurt me more. You spent the next month trying to hold your heart together by taking care of me, and throwing yourself even deeper into the Circle Remnant hunt. And ever since that night you’ve felt like you’ve failed me in some way, and that despair has been eating you alive, Jace.” 

He was so close to laying this burden down and Clary knew in her bones this was the key to bringing them both back. His hand came up to cover hers and she continued, “You were perfect Jace. You held me up, and you loved me. _Your_ love made me whole again. I never meant for you to silence your grief Jace, I just wanted both of us to be okay.” An unsteady thump ricocheted under her fingers and his breathing became shaky, and then something changed. He straightened to his full height, and she felt him take a single steady breath. He had let go. 

She could feel the itch in her palm and Jace held his up to look at it. She grabbed his hand, rune to rune and they both felt the rush of their runes activating and she stepped closer to him, “Kiss me.” 

They both lived and died a thousand times in that kiss, and the world went black as she closed her eyes.

It was still dark when she woke again, the only light coming from a few machines near her head. Everything was sore and her brain was foggy. “This is new.” she whispered to herself. Lifting her hand to look at it, annoyed at the IV in it. 

“Easy, easy biscuit. You’ve been knocked out awhile.” Someone's warm, gentle hand took hers and rested it on the bed. The figure stood to lean over the bed and Magnus’ features came into focus and memories caught up with her.

“Did it work?” Magnus nodded and she relaxed into the bed. 

“All three of you are fine.” Her hand went to her bump and she took a deep, steadying breath. 

“It’s dark. How long have I been out?” He sat on the edge of the bed and held his hands up, conjuring a little of his magic between them. The light deepened the shadows on his face. He looked serious, happy, but mostly tired. Actually he looked exhausted. Magnus snapped his fingers and made a little flourish to send the magic aloft.

It hovered in the air above them and filled the space, looking like a bright starry night. It set her at ease being able to see her surroundings. Waking up disoriented and in the dark would never be a fun experience for her. 

“It’s been a little over thirty six hours.” Her brow furrowed at hearing this, trying to figure out if it _felt_ that long. 

“Oh.” She reached out and held the button that would help raise her head. Clary shrugged her shoulders trying to gently stretch her muscles, a day and a half in a bed wasn’t the best for her flexibility. 

“Where is he?” She started to worry about Jace, why wasn’t he here. She went to pull the nasal cannula off her face only to be stopped by Magnus.

“He’s close.” Magnus’ cryptic streak showing up in the conversation. He poured her a cup of water and put a straw in it, holding it for her to drink from. “Small sips biscuit.” he commanded. 

“I convinced Jace to take a sleeping draught, in exchange I would stay. He woke up over twelve hours ago. When he wasn’t pleading with you to wake up he was whisper yelling at the healers managing your case.” Magnus shuddered, remembering how worried Jace was about her condition. “We couldn’t get him to stay in his own room, he kept refusing care. So we knocked him out at the Herondale townhouse with Maryse. Alexander just got home a few hours ago and he’s with the kids for a little while, he was away.” 

Clary wondered what could have been important enough for him to leave Alicante through this. Magnus’ expression twisted into worry talking about Alec, his eyes sliding away before snapping back to her. Trying to reassure her with a smile. 

Clary studied his face, worry softening but not leaving his face. She had never seen Magnus looking so frayed, so uneasy. “You should go be with him, you need rest too.” She gently placed her hand on his folded knee. “The boys need you.” 

“I didn’t want you to be alone.” The simple kindness of his words struck her as he brushed a lock of hair off her cheek. She didn’t know what to say but Magnus continued gently. “Isabelle is trying to wrap up her work, she threatened to kill you if you didn’t return so keep an eye on her.” Clary already was preparing herself for the too tight hug and chastisement that was coming her way. 

A nurse knocked, interrupting them. She checked her IV bag and smiled at the starry sky magically above them. She made a few notes on her chart before giving Magnus an appraising look. “Make sure both of you get some rest.” 

The door closed behind her with a quiet _click_ and they were alone again. 

Clary still had so many questions they pushed their way into her mouth, choking her with their need to be answered. She stammered for a moment before Magnus noticed and tried to calm her. “Hey, it’s okay. Everyone is safe.” 

“I want to see them. Jace must be going out of his mind, and Alec he’s gonna be so mad at me.” 

Magnus didn’t disagree with either of her statements, he just tucked the blanket in a little tighter around her. “I texted Alexander, he’s been worried about you. You did a foolish, risky thing Cary.”

She shook her head at him, “I heard you and Alec talking about doing that spell again. The one when Lilith had him. You’re both fathers Magnus, I couldn’t…” Clary couldn’t finish the sentence, they both knew the risks. 

His head tilted in disbelief, “And you’re going to be a _mother_ Clary, what about the risk to you?!” There was a hard edge in his voice and Clary realized this was not the first time he had to sit and watch his loved ones put themselves in danger with no chance of him being able to help them. Loving mortals never did get easier.

Clary reached out and held his trembling hands and he returned her grip with a desperate squeeze. She said the only thing she could to him, “I’m sorry Magnus. It just felt… safer not to ask that of anyone else.” 

Reality started to feel heavy around her as her eyes fluttered a little, she wanted to stay awake and see Alec but it was becoming hard. Magnus smiled at her noticing the change, “You should sleep Clary, when you wake it’ll be a brand new day.” 

He snapped his fingers and the starry sky above her was joined by a soft aurora borealis, its waves lulling her to sleep. Her thoughts drifted and the last thing she remembered was his hand holding hers. 

She woke again hours later, her dreams were chased over and over seeing the prison Jace had built for himself, the worst images over and over. Jace chained to the floor of that ship resting his head against her chest pleading with her. The way Jace as a child tried not to flinch as Valentine broke a finger for the thousandth time. She blinked and noticed that the dawn light glowed outside the windows. Magnus was indeed correct, it was a new day. Mercifully Clary was no longer hooked up to every monitoring device they could attach to her body. 

“Magnus?” She called softly for him, finally feeling somewhat rested. In her sleep she had curled up and either she, or someone sitting with her, had pulled the blankets free to ensure she stayed warm and covered. 

A gentle familiar voice responded to her question. “He’s checking on Jace. I’m glad you’re awake Clary.” Alec’s voice sounded reassuring, calming. 

Gently she rolled over to look at him, he looked worse than Magnus had described him. Pale and weary, it looked like he hadn’t slept since she borrowed his stele. 

“Is he okay?” Clary couldn’t help but sound overly worried. “Magnus said he wouldn’t say in the infirmary.” Alec rolled his eyes and scooted his chair closer to her bed. He rested a reassuring hand on her arm. “He’s okay, no one is letting him in the field until he recovers and he doesn’t want to be in the field because it would mean being away from you. So it’s kind of a win win for now.” 

Clary sighed in relief, she was happy that Alec was taking good care of his parabatai. 

“Plus, the info we got when we found Jace led us to the rest of them. We coordinated an eleven city raid and all were successful. The Circle is dead.” 

Stunned relief swept through her body. She brought Jace back to them and Alec hopefully made it so he never had to clean up Valentine’s mistakes.

“And how are you Alec?” 

He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face raking his fingers through his hair before letting out a deep sigh. He had been preparing to do something similar to what she did. Except it would have taken him and Magnus, risking them both.

“I love you. I love you and I’m so mad at you Clary.” 

Clary held his hand for a moment before responding. “I love you too Alec. I’m sorry I took the choice away from you, but I’m never going to apologize for either of us loving him.” 

Alec stood and sat on the edge of her bed. Clary was waiting for a lecture, or at least an anxious frown from Alec, but instead he pulled her into his arms. He was trembling and she felt how scared he had been, not just for Jace but also her. She realized how tightly he had been holding onto his feelings. How out of control he had felt all these weeks. Stress and hormones caught up with her in that embrace and the tenuous dam on her emotions cracked. Alec just held her, quietly soothing her sobs. 

###  **Flame**

_Flame for the birth of a Nephilim_

“I can’t Jace, I can’t.” Clary’s voice sounded delirious and her grip on his hand started to go slack, he gripped a little tighter wanting her to stay with him. Ten hours of early labor and six of active labor had started to wear on her, Jace had never seen her look so exhausted and wrung out. Her fiery hair was plastered to her head with sweat, and they hadn’t been able to find a comfortable position for her in hours. But the last several contractions had been the worst yet, he had heard the words “transition” mentioned by one of the nurses. The last one all Clary was able to do was bury her face into Jace's chest and try to breathe. All Jace could do was encourage her and have a nurse iratze his hand when she accidentally dislocated a thumb with her grip. 

“It’s nearly time to push, Clary. Just a little bit longer. You can’t quit on us now.” Doctor Rosestone announced between her feet and a nurse wheeled a cart closer to the doctor. 

Another nurse helped raise the bed even higher, sitting her up. Jace tightened his grip on her hand, “Hey, hey..” he caught her attention again. Forcing her to focus on him. “We get to meet our kid today, remember?” She jerked her head in a half hearted yes before nodding more earnestly. 

Jace lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles, “Last chance to guess, boy or girl.” 

They had elected to not find out the sex of the baby, wanting to be surprised. The family in protest and good humor had set up a betting pool. Predicting the sex, the date of birth, and even the general time that their child would finally make their first appearance. Thankfully that question elicited a laugh from her. 

“I just want ten fingers and ten toes. What’s your guess?” She asked as Jace wedged himself behind, taking an icy washcloth and rubbing her neck down. “Girl, she’s going to be as strong, and smart, and as beautiful as her mom.” She threw her head back to give him a dazzling smile, he knew she didn’t realize how beautiful she was right now. “Who's winning the bet?” 

“Mom, but Magnus is close behind.” He kissed the side of her head and found the knot of muscles on her shoulder that had been plaguing her all pregnancy, digging his thumb into it. Her contented little groan was music to his ears. A contraction started and she stopped trying to breathe, trying to will herself past it. An alarm sounded as her heart rate took a nosedive. 

“Jace!” He heard the doctor's worried tone and took action. His arm snaked around her chest pulling her tightly against him. “Take my strength, Clary. We’ll do this together.” 

It started slowly, one of his runes began glowing without being touched by a stele, then more followed, including Clary’s. 

Thirty minutes later their daughter was born. Her loud, angry, wailing filled the room before the cord was cut. Doctor Rosestone immediately laid her on Clary’s chest, Jace had helpfully unsnapped a few buttons of her hospital gown to maximize skin to skin contact. He had read in a few books that it was good for both mother and baby. 

The newborn accepted this with a last grumpy wail and tried to settle down against her chest. Scrunched face of displeasure and red from the screaming, her tiny hand reached out and Jace gave her his pinky to grip. 

All of her pain disappeared looking at their daughters face. A full head of light strawberry blonde hair and peeks of blue green eyes. She knew Jace was crying as he kissed the side of her head, who wouldn’t, seeing their kid for the first time. His hand came to gently rest on their daughters' back. “Hi little one, I’m your dad,” Clary let out a weepy laugh at his words, “and this is your mom.” 

Those first few hours were filled with firsts for the new family, first feeding, first diaper, first truly impressive belch out of such a tiny body. The doctor encouraged being selfish with these moments as a new family. A nurse helped Jace give their daughter a bath, cleaning her up and smiling at Jace as he nailed swaddling his daughter for the first time. Clary took the time to take a shower with the assistance of another nurse, finally able to leave her hospital bed without being hooked up to monitors and IVs. 

The best thing they discovered about giving birth at the Institute was that their quarters were close by. A nurse would be assigned to monitor both baby and mother for the next few days and the doctor was only a page away. 

Jace got his girls settled in their quarters and let Clary get a few moments of quiet and peace by taking the first shift of baby duty. She had been in the infirmary for nearly twenty hours, constantly monitored and prodded and all the attention was wearing on both of their nerves. When Clary was upset it brought out Jace’s worry and frustration, they all needed a moment to just be together as a family.

Their first guests were Maryse and Luke. Who respectively started crying with happiness and forgot how to speak when they held their granddaughter. Luke finally shook himself out of his stupor to look at Clary and say “She’s perfect, kiddo.” Clary loved seeing the two of them already so smitten, excited for this new chapter in their lives. She of course felt the absence of her own mother in that moment but could feel joy at the family she had. After handing their daughter to Luke, Maryse came to sit next to Clary pulling out a small box from her purse. 

“Usually your mother would buy this for you, so I hope I’m not overstepping.” Curious as to what Maryse was giving her, Clary opened the box to find a silver ball about the size of a walnut that had a ring through it forming a handle. She lifted it gently from its velvet and it let out a quiet audible hum. It was melodic, musical. Maryse explained, “It’s an angel rattle. Inside is a small piece of _adamas_ , it’s been blessed by an Iron Sister.”  
  
Clary rattled it again hearing it tinkle and smiling, it sounded like a quiet, gentle ring that her Seraph blade sometimes made in training. Maryse continued, “It’s supposed to ward off evil and remind the Angels to protect the baby. It’s old fashioned I know, but I bought one for Max when he was a baby and although Rafael was older when he came into the family I gifted him Alec’s for safekeeping. Families need tradition, no matter how untraditional they are.” 

Jace took it gently out of Clary’s hands and smiled as he made it chime. “Mom this is…” Jace’s face was overcome with tenderness and Clary finished the thought. “Extraordinary. Maryse, thank you.” 

Alec and Magnus were next. The boys had made birthday cards for their daughter, welcoming her into their family and promising to be the best older cousins they could. Magnus was enchanted with the baby, rocking the newborn gently and promising to spoil her rotten. He had been joking to Clary the entire last month of her pregnancy that he “spoke baby” and would serve as a translator whenever she needed, she loved his enthusiasm. Clary knew he was excited that there was now another child in the family, for the boys to have more members to their generation added. 

When Alec got his turn to hold her he sat on the edge of the bed and just wanted to look at her in awe. He soaked in the feeling of family and love that this new addition brought, wanting to cherish the earliest moments of her life. Magnus stood behind him trying to capture her attention, pulling faces over Alec’s shoulder, but as much as Alec was studying her she seemed to be studying him. 

Jace caught Alec’s attention, “We wanted to ask you a question.” 

Clary rested her hand on Alec’s knee and smiled at her daughter in the arms of her uncle. “We wanted to know if it would be alright if we named her Alexandra, in honor of you?” 

Alec’s face went blank in shock, “I… really?” He looked back down at the infant considering the honor. He looked astonished, not able to respond or forgetting to. Jace sat beside Clary on the bed smiling at his brother's reaction. Magnus squeezed Alec’s shoulders gently to reassure him that he had heard right, and that they were needing an answer.

“Alec without you who knows what Clary would have done? Remember what she did when you were sitting there!” She elbowed him in the ribs. In his arms their daughter let out an angry cry but before any of the Shadowhunter's could intervene Magnus plucked the baby from his husband's arms and investigated why she was complaining. Wandering across their bedroom carrying on a rather one sided conversation with her. 

“He’s over exaggerating but yes, when Jace disappeared you saved me, saved us Alec.” Clary nodded towards her daughter. “I was adrift, trying to honor the promise I made to Jace and fight every instinct to chase him down at the same time. You surrounded me with family, and you gave me hope everyday, and when I started having the dreams _you_ encouraged me to explore them. You also highly encouraged me to explore them safely.” 

Magnus came back and settled the now calm infant in his husband's arms again. She was still awake and yawned up at her uncle watching him. 

“I’d be honored.” 

Two days later the entire family gathered at the Institute for the protection ceremony all newborns had to shield them from demonic influence. They had hung flame banners in the hall and lit every candelabra they could find, and a few Magnus conjured. It had been awhile since the Institute had a newborn with them and everyone was excited for the arrival. 

Besides Alec and Magnus they hadn’t told anyone what they were going to name her and there was an eager sense of anticipation in the air. They had decided that to honor Clary’s mother they would give her the middle name of her favorite flower. Jocelyn was a bit too much with her first name, but Jace wanted Clary’s mother included in their life. 

Clary held the baby as the Iron Sister finished the spell happy she had remained asleep through the entire event, Jace stood beside her, his heart full looking out at his family. Each of the people here had stood by and fought beside them for this, a future free of the Claves indifference against the Downworld and Valentines desire to murder them all. He owed each of them his life, and Clary’s life many times over, he couldn’t think of better people to surround his child with.

He looked down at his daughter, and for more than a fleeting moment he felt true peace. Clary gently elbowed him, he had missed his cue. She smiled up at him feeling the same sense of love and safety he did. Jace hurriedly cleared his throat, “Friends and family, please welcome Alexandra Rose Fray Herondale.” 


End file.
